


the four times jack thought and the one time he knew

by prettyluke (buttonjimin)



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: 4+1 Things, Coming Out, First Time, Fluff and Smut, Loss of Virginity, M/M, luke and ashton are cute footy boyfriends, they're also secret footy boyfriends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-13
Updated: 2015-08-13
Packaged: 2018-04-14 11:05:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4562214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buttonjimin/pseuds/prettyluke
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Also the four times Jack sees something he shouldn't and the one time Luke decides he should probably come out of the closet.</p>
            </blockquote>





	the four times jack thought and the one time he knew

1

The first time Jack notices, Luke is 14, and he’s just picked up his yearbook for the end of Year 8.

Luke has it tucked under his arm as he starts towards Jack, who’s leaning against the flagpole in the front of the school.. He’s late; he had to wait in line to pick it up, and since it’s the last day of school, everyone is racing to get home. The crowds are starting to clear out, and Luke hurries into a jog to avoid a scolding for lazing around.

“Where’s Ben?” he asks breathlessly. Jack rolls his eyes, pushing away from the pole and walking to where his car is parked in the street.

“You know. Year 12 bigshot, probably partying somewhere. Told me not to wait up.” Jack purposely walks too fast for Luke, probably trying to emphasize that he’s taller. Fuck him.

“Great, then I get shotgun,” Luke says eagerly. He speeds up in an attempt to keep pace.

Jack groans. “You can _not_ touch my radio stations. I don’t want to listen to any of that emo, Blink, Green Day, Good whatever the fuck her name is. None of that shit.”

“Good Charlotte,” Luke supplies.

“Yeah, that shit. It’s awful. It’s so _whiny_. We listen to my music, or next year you walk to school. Hey, what took you so long, anyway?”

“Got my yearbook,” Luke says. “Flipped through it a little. It’s not like you have anywhere to go.”

“I’m personally offended by that. Lemme see it,” Jack says, slipping into the driver’s seat. “Bet you look like a dork.”

“Do not,” Luke protests, yanking his yearbook away. “If you wanted a yearbook you should have bought one.”

“One yearbook is enough for three of us!” Jack makes a grab at it and Luke pulls it away again. “Hey. Show me right now or I shove you out of this car and run you over.”

“Fine, have fun with the insurance.”

“Twerp.” Jack pins Luke back against the seat and snatches it from him. “Ha, got it.”

Luke makes grabby hands, but Jack has it out of his reach and is quickly flipping through it. He sighs, sitting back and waiting. Jack turns to the Year 8 section and looks for him.

“There you are,” he says with a smirk. “At least your hair isn’t as ugly now.”

Luke smacks him for that. “It is _not_ ugly! It’s cool.”

“It’s emo.”

Luke scowls and crosses his arms. “Give it back.”

“I’m not done.” Jack is giggling, pleased with himself. “There’s your friend Michael, he’s a real dick. You can tell him I said that. Oh look, Calum. You guys all have the same ugly emo fringe. You can tell them I said that too. Oh, Year 9. Let’s look at this.”

“Give it back, Jack!”

“I’m having so much fun. Let’s see, I know I know some of them.” Jack is still laughing when he turns to the page with a heart around one of the pictures. He stops in surprise, pausing a moment, before smiling. “Ashton Irwin? What’s this, Lukey?”

Luke has gone completely slack jawed. He doesn’t bother trying to take the yearbook back, since it’s too late anyway. His heart hammers so hard in his chest it makes him dizzy, and his stomach has dropped to his feet. “I,” he starts, before realizing he doesn’t have a valid excuse. Maybe Jack notices the color rising in his cheeks, or maybe he’s so startled he ignores it. “I, uh, that was Aleisha.”

“Your girlfriend?” Jack says doubtfully. “You think your girlfriend drew a heart around Ashton Irwin? Shouldn’t you be concerned?”

“She was just, just joking,” Luke stammers. Nervous sweat pricks his forehead.

Jack looks like he’s debating saying more, but then he shuts the book and drops it on Luke’s lap. “Whatever you say,” he says, moving on easily. “Let’s go home. Bet Mum will take us out to dinner if we beg.”

Luke sighs in relief and looks out the window the whole way home, making small talk and praying Jack doesn’t bring it up again.

 

* * *

 

2

“Hurry it up, Hemmings, Hood!” the team captain shouts. “I want to see you sweating!”

“Irwin’s being a bitch today,” Calum gripes, far less out of breath than Luke. Luke always feels like he’s dying on these runs (today is four miles, Luke actually thought he would cry when Ashton announced it). “C’mon, we better finish under fifteen or we’re getting hell from him next practice.”

Luke makes a pained face as Calum glides forward, forcing himself to do the same. Fuck Calum. He’s definitely not doing this in college. Not everyone is blessed with the speed of a cheetah.

Calum makes it about twenty seconds ahead of him, but Luke is content enough with his time. Calum’s a forward, anyway; he needs to be fast.

He completes his last lap and nearly collapses against the fence. The coach calls out 14:21, which he mentally notes. He digs around the bags for his water bottle, plunking onto the ground and lifting it to his lips as the other boys start to finish.

“You shouldn’t sit after a run,” Ashton says loudly, looming over him with his arms crossed. The bastard isn’t even sweating—perks of not running today—but his hair is still a tousled mess from scrimmaging earlier. “It’s bad for you, you know.”

“Fuck off,” Luke pants. _Self-righteous fuck_ , he thinks to himself.

“I’ll make you run another lap,” Ashton warns, although the corners of his mouth lift slightly.

“The hell you will,” Luke responds, but gets up anyway, just in case Ashton is serious.

“You staying after?” Ashton asks under his breath, this time so only Luke can hear.

Luke grins despite feeling like his lungs are on fire and gives him a thumbs up. Ashton nods, his face relaxing, and turns back to the rest of the field, jogging to join the other boys.

“Good run, guys,” the coach says, putting down his clipboard. “Hood, you beat your PR, congrats. I expect all of you to beat your PR as many times as you can this season. You can all go, don’t forget to eat healthily this weekend and drink lots of water. I’ll see you on Monday. First game is on Tuesday, any questions?”

The coach wraps up the practice and all the boys begin grabbing their bags and heading to the parking lot to either drive themselves home or get picked up. Luke hangs behind.

Ashton helps to load the cart with all the equipment. “You gonna help, or what?” he tosses over his shoulder. Luke quickly rises to his feet and helps him pile things in. It looks rather precarious when they’re all done.

“Alright, I’m going to drive this over to storage,” the coach says. “Thanks for your help, guys. Irwin, you’ll lock up the field when you leave?”

Ashton nods seriously and waits until the coach is out of earshot before he turns to Luke with a smile. “I was hoping you would stay.” His grin is so genuine, happy, that Luke warms inside. It totally makes up for getting yelled at all practice by yours truly.

Luke blushes as Ashton takes his hand and pulls him down so they both sit on the field, facing each other. His hand is hot and dry, rough. Luke doesn’t mind. He counts himself lucky to be sitting here with him at all. Back in Year 8, when he joined the team, he was on JV, and never said a word to Ashton. He feels blessed that a Year 12 boy would take time for Luke.

“You did well in practice today,” Ashton tells him. “Think Coach will make you a starter. Your friend Calum, too.”

“But I’m Year 10,” Luke says in surprise.

“You’re good. Both of you.”

Luke rolls his eyes skeptically. “You’re saying that because you like kissing me.” It’s a bit cheeky, maybe, but even though he blushes saying it, Ashton chuckles.

“I do like that,” he admits, and gently traces circles over Luke’s hand. “Are you coming to the party this weekend?”

“Which one?”

“Sam’s. He’s on track, Year 12—I can get you in.”

“What will you tell him?”

“That you’re just a friend.” Ashton cocks his head to the side, smiling. “More, if you want that.”

Luke falters; it’s hard to not give in to everything Ashton suggests, when he says it so sweetly and the sun is lighting up his eyes like amber—and Luke doesn’t ever want to disappoint Ashton. It’s all a little overwhelming, being in a relationship in the first place; he only broke up with Aleisha over the summer, and Ashton took a special interest in Luke during conditioning. He’s older, bigger—better at footy, too—and Luke is glad at least that Ashton thought his stuttering and awkward flirting was cute.

“I don’t think—” Luke begins, a bit breathless. “Not yet. Is that okay?”

Ashton doesn’t look upset, to Luke’s relief; he must recognize the distress in Luke’s eyes. “I don’t mind, Luke. Really. You said from the start you wanted to take it slow.”

Luke relaxes again. “Have you thought about it?” he asks. “Coming out to people?”

Ashton’s not quite as stiff as Luke is about it; his family knows, and he doesn’t tiptoe around it so much. “You know I’m not worried,” he says. “I’m ready whenever you are. No rush.”

“I don’t want to hold you back. If you want to come out, you can. You should.”

Ashton gently brushes his thumb along Luke’s jaw; Luke holds his breath. “No rush,” he repeats. “I don’t give a fuck about what people think. My personal life is my business.” He pauses. “Our life, I guess.”

Luke nods and scoots closer. “I like being with you.”

Ashton smiles and leans in. “Like being with you too. You’re awfully cute.”

Luke can’t help kissing him then. He’s always so over eager, but they both are, since they only get to be together a few days in the week. Ashton braces his hand on the back of his head to pull him closer, Luke doing the same, and Luke’s mouth parts involuntarily. He tips his face up, making up for their height difference and letting Ashton control the kiss. Luke’s hands and face feel hot, a warmth spreading through his whole body, and by the time they finally break apart, it feels like he might combust. Ashton’s mouth is darker, swollen. Luke smiles euphorically.

Luke would kiss him all day if he could. But before he can make up his mind, a call of “Luke?” carries across to him.

He swears and scrambles back, standing hurriedly. Ashton does the same, although less urgently. “Shit,” Luke says, flustered. “Oh my god.” His heart is racing. Fuck, what if Jack saw?

“Is that Jack?” Ashton says, peering across the field to where Jack leans over the fence. Luke forgets sometimes that they know each other, although vaguely.

“I told you to come at 6,” Luke yells. He’s still panicking; he thought for sure he would get a full half an hour with Ashton at least.

“I know, but I wasn’t sure, and Mum said your practice ended at 5:30!”

“Fuck, sorry,” Luke mumbles to Ashton. “I thought—I told him 6, I did.”

“It’s alright, I’ll text you,” Ashton says, unaffected. “Hey, don’t worry about it. You better go home, though.”

Luke nods sheepishly. “See you—this weekend? Are you still going to that party?”

“I’ll text you the details,” Ashton says warmly. “Go on.”

Luke waves and hurries to where Jack is waiting, grabbing his bag from beside the fence. He doesn’t dare look at Jack; he’s sure his lips are swollen and red, and that his cheeks are bright and flushed. If Jack hadn’t seen, he could guess.

“What were you doing with Ashton, huh?” Jack says. Luke gnaws on his lip; he expects Jack to sound smug, teasing, but he just sounds curious.

“Just—talking about the game on Tuesday,” Luke stammers. “Coach is gonna make me a starter.”

“Awesome,” Jack says. He ruffles Luke’s hair, a habitual gesture. “That all?”

“Yeah,” Luke says, staring at his cleats. “That’s all.”

 

* * *

 

3

They win the big tournament at the end of the season for Norwest. It’s a huge victory, and Luke scores the winning goal (mostly by luck, and Calum’s generous set-up). The team practically tackles Luke, forming a giant jumping blob on the field. Ashton sneaks a kiss to Luke’s cheek in the midst of all the excitement. Luke flushes in delight, eyes bright with the glory of winning. Calum claps him on the back so hard he’s afraid he’ll spit up his water.

It feels wonderful, and Ashton looks so proud of him that Luke could burst. He knows he’s glowing, and Calum points it out. He can’t help it, though. His family is in the stands, and the whole team keeps hugging him and each other and everything is so perfect that he doesn’t want it to end.

“Party back at Mitchell’s, c’mon,” Calum says, tugging at his arm.

“I’ll drive you,” Ashton says, nudging Luke. “Let’s go.”

A few other boys chorus that they want a ride, and Ashton grins and shakes his head. “Only for people who scored the winning shot.”

Calum gripes. “Man, fuck that. I scored three winning shots this season. Where’s my special treatment?”

“Sorry, but this is a tournament,” Luke says with a smirk, earning a slap on the shoulder. Calum leans in close.

“Don’t think I don’t know what’s going on,” he murmurs with a wicked smile. “Get some, Hemmings.”

Luke stares after him in surprise, a little stuck in place until Ashton grabs his hand and starts pulling him towards the parking lot. “Come on, winner,” Ashton says. “I’m gonna make sure you have fun tonight.”

Luke feels special, riding in Ashton’s car. It’s not the first time, but Ashton won’t stop smiling at him. “I’m so proud of you. You looked so scared in conditioning. I was supposed to be mean but I wanted to tell you how good you were.”

“Why didn’t you?” Luke exclaims. “I thought you hated me.”

“Oh, come on. I was not that mean. I kissed you behind the bleachers the third day in. Somebody tipped me off you had a big crush on me.”

“You called me giraffe legs.”

“I was being _funny_. And I couldn’t go easy on you.” He smiles to himself. “See, and look at you now.”

“You’re unbelievable,” Luke says, shaking his head. “You’re going to have to kiss me lots to make up for this, you know.”

“Well, I’m sure I can arrange that,” Ashton says with a smile. “Can you wait until after the party?”

Luke nods, used to being patient. It’s the price to pay for wanting to keep it a secret.

Luke and the other scorers get special toasts. Speeches are made for the end of the season, there’s a ton of food; Ashton stuffs a piece of pizza in Luke’s mouth and they both end up in a fit of giggles. Luke retaliates by pouring half his coke down Ashton’s throat and watching as he sputters at the burn of the carbonation. By the time the night is coming to a close, they’ve been sneaking little kisses on the cheek all evening.

“Want to get going?” Ashton murmurs in Luke’s ear, sneaking an arm around his waist. “Your place or mine?”

“We can go to mine,” Luke says. “My parents aren’t home, they’re out to dinner.”

“Perfect.” Ashton pulls Luke towards the door. Luke wants to stay in his arms all night and preserve the moment.

The car ride home is more tense than before, mainly because Luke is having a hard time not just kissing him right then and there. Time apart makes them desperate, always. Luke cannot help but think for the millionth time that he is so _lucky_ that the boy he’s had a crush on since he arrived at secondary, the subject of every wet dream and daydream besides, wants to kiss him, of all people.

By the time they get to his house, the moon is high in the sky. A quick check to his phone lets him know his parents will be home in an hour. “Let’s go to my room,” Luke says, leading the way up the stairs. His brothers’ doors are shut. Perfect. They stumble up the staircase and into Luke’s room, throwing the door shut on the way, whispering until they’re alone in his room.

They clamber up onto the bed. Ashton giggles at the spongebob sheets; and Luke internally kicks himself over and over again. “Stop laughing,” he whines.

“Sorry,” Ashton says, and gives him a quick kiss. “I think it’s cute.”

“Stop messing around, you owe me kisses,” Luke says as seriously as he can. Ashton pushes him back against the pillows and rolls over on top of him.

“Like this?” he breathes, kissing Luke’s neck. Luke pulls at the nape of Ashton’s neck to bring him closer. Ashton kisses a trail up and stops before his lips. “You want it?”

“Yeah, you dick,” Luke says, and takes the initiative to kiss Ashton himself. Ashton smiles against his mouth, and Luke smiles too. Luke has always been a sloppy kisser, messy and never quite on target, but Ashton knows how much pressure to put into it, how to make Luke feel loved. He braces one hand on Luke’s hip, the other hand cupping his head.

“You’re pretty like this,” Ashton says, stopping for a moment to lean his forehead against Luke. “Your eyes, and your lips.” He smiles again, and shakes his head.

“What are you all smiley about?” Luke asks, reaching up to touch his lips.

“Nothing,” Ashton insists. “I’m just, you know. Happy.”

“Happy?”

“To be with you.” Ashton rubs Luke’s hipbone with his thumb, more tenderly than usual. They hardly ever kiss slowly like this, usually pressured by time constraints and the fear of being seen. “I’m happy to be with you.”

“I like being with you too,” Luke says, and tugs him closer by his shirt. “You’re my favorite place to be.”

Ashton can’t help kissing him after that, and Luke is so overwhelmed that he wants to shut his eyes, but doesn’t dare; Ashton looks so beautiful in the low light, with his curls a mess and his eyes glossy and pretty the way they are. His shoulders roll forward as he kisses Luke a little harder, still poised above him. His lips are chapped, although Luke always tells him to use his chapstick, but Luke likes the feeling. He feels safe when Ashton is kneeling over him and kissing him as if he’s the most precious thing he owns. And he does _own_ Luke; Luke would do anything for him.

There’s the telltale click of a door opening, and Ashton is rolling off. Luke jolts into a sitting position, wide eyes taking in the sight of Jack standing in the doorway with a slightly slapped look on his face.

“Hey, Ashton,” he says awkwardly. “I was just wondering if anyone was going to shower. But I can see that. Well. Nobody is. I’ll just go do that now.”

“I showered this morning,” Luke says, out of breath and slightly too high-pitched.

“Right. Well. I’ll be going now. Nice to see you again, Ash.”

Jack smiles weakly and backs out of the room, shutting the door. Luke’s suddenly clammy hands shake as he grasps at the edge of the comforter and pulls it up to his chest. He doesn’t look at Ashton, who puts an arm around his shoulders, kisses the top of his head, and says softly, “You alright?”

“Yeah,” Luke says, sucking a breath through his teeth. “I’m—I’m okay, promise.”

“You know I think Jack would be alright if he knew,” Ashton says, straightening Luke’s jersey so it covers the bit of skin exposed in their passion. “I’ve been in a few classes with him. I think, ah—I don’t think you have anything to worry about.”

“Probably.” Luke shrinks and curls on his side, his head in Ashton’s lap. He sighs out loud as Ashton starts carding his fingers through his fair hair. “Are we boyfriends, Ashton?”

“Do you want to be?” Ashton returns cautiously. His hands still in Luke’s hair.

“Yeah.” Luke shifts slightly, onto his back so he can look up at Ashton. “Do you want to be?”

“I thought we were,” he says with a laugh. “I mean, we kiss an awful lot. What, did you think you were a hookup, or something?”

“We haven’t even had sex.”

“Do you want to do that?”

Luke covers his burning face with his hands and smiles sheepishly. “Duh. I mean, someday. Not _now._ ”

“Of course,” Ashton says with a sly smile, “but you are still a winner, and I thought we agreed winners get lots of kisses.”

Luke _did_ agree to that, and Ashton spends the rest of the night fulfilling his promise.

 

* * *

 

4

The summer before Luke starts Year 11, they talk about getting serious.

Ashton’s going off to uni, and that means trying to make long-distance work or splitting up. It’s hardly even a question. It’s only been a year, but Luke’s definitely liked Ashton a lot longer, and Ashton admits out loud that Luke is probably the cutest boy he’ll ever get to date. This leads to Luke shoving him and demanding he list some more meaningful traits and Ashton providing answers like _your cute spongebob sheets_ and _the fact that you suck kissing_ and _the way you smelled during footy season this year because you couldn’t be assed to fucking wash your uniform._

It doesn’t take even five minutes to agree that there wasn’t much of a question of breaking up.

And of course, a few weeks later, Ashton is sneaking in Luke’s window and making out with him again.

“You got my text?” Luke says, a bit breathless as he pulls away.

“Yeah, everyone’s road tripping, etc. etc.,” Ashton says. “I wasn’t sure if you were implying that you wanted to fuck, or just make out, so I came prepared for both.”

“You could have just come through the front door. But this is why I love you.”

“Really? Not my amazing handjobs? Don’t even lie,” Ashton teases.

“Ash?” Luke says, a little quieter. He tugs at Ashton’s short sleeve.

“What’s up, babe?”

“Do you want to actually fuck me?” Luke suggests, a bit of blush spreading across his cheeks. “Like. More than a handjob.”

“Tempting.” Ashton smiles at him, warm and loving. “Are you sure you’re ready for that? I mean, I do have the necessary supplies.”

“Yeah,” Luke says. “I trust you.”

“It’s not just trust, baby. I wanna know that you’re ready. I told you at the start we could take it slow, and you don’t have to feel pressured. I don’t want to do this just because your parents are out of the house, you know?”

“I know,” Luke insists. “I am ready. I’ve been thinking about it for a while. And—I know losing your virginity is supposed to be a big deal, so that’s why I want it to be with you. Because I know you’ll go slow and be gentle. Right?”

“Of course I will,” Ashton says, beaming and kissing his cheek. “Then you’re sure? You can take your consent back at any time, you know. Even if I’m balls-deep in you. I promise.”

“I’m sure,” Luke says with a groan. “Ugh. That’s gross.”

“Luke, if you think _that’s_ gross, then you’ve got another thing coming to you,” Ashton says, shaking his head. “Sex is a lot of gross things.”

“But you can’t say that in _normal conversation._ ”

“Well, let’s get on with it, then.” Ashton strips off his own shirt and then nods at Luke. “C’mon, sex requires getting naked.”

“I know that,” Luke grumbles, but blushes anyway and starts undressing and tossing his clothes to the side of the bed. It’s not so bad; they’ve seen each other half naked a dozen times or so, especially in the locker room during footy season (Luke saw a lot of sweaty, half naked boys he had no interest in). He’s more self-aware, though, after he sees Ashton’s actual abs and moves to cover his own soft tummy. It’s not his fault; Ashton actually puts effort into working out and has a full two years on him, but he still wishes idly that he looked a little more impressive.

“Stop covering your tummy,” Ashton says. “If you can’t be comfortable with showing me that, I don’t want to know how uncomfortable you’re going to be when I’m dicking you. C’mon, I think it’s cute.”

Luke hesitantly moves his hands back to his sides. By now, Ashton is fully naked; it is admittedly a bit intimidating, to see him half hard and standing there in all his muscled glory. Luke swallows hard. Fuck, he’s lucky and scared as shit.

“Hey, it’s alright,” Ashton says with a calm smile. “You can’t be shy about this. C’mon, boxers off. Nothing to be ashamed of.”

Luke steps out of his boxers and fights the urge to cover himself. “Okay, now what?”

“Patience,” Ashton says as Luke crawls back up on the bed. “I’ll give you a play by play as we go, so you don’t get nervous and you can tell me not to do something, but right now we’re gonna get in the mood. Alright? If you’re worked up a bit, it’ll be more fun.”

Luke nods apprehensively and waits. Ashton bends and kisses him again, but this time he reaches down and wraps his hand around Luke’s cock. Luke’s hips jerk up in surprise and he bites off a moan. Ashton chuckles.

“Relax, baby.” Ashton keeps kissing Luke, probably to distract him from the way he’s leisurely stroking his cock in a steady rhythm. Luke can’t help but thrust up involuntarily. He’s always a sucker for Ashton’s handjobs, although he suspects he won’t he coming from this alone tonight.

Ashton’s thumb purposely swipes over the tip, spreading the precum down his cock to ease the way, and Luke gasps against his lips, losing his focus. “Doing okay?” Ashton asks calmly.

Fuck. Is he doing okay? He’s doing great. So great it’s a bit overwhelming, in all honesty. He feels like he should be returning the favor, but Ashton looks pretty hard, probably thanks to the cut off moans Luke is making here and there.

“Shit, that feels really good,” Luke says, shutting his eyes.

“I knew it, you love my handjobs,” Ashton whispers sensually, and Luke bursts out giggling. It quickly breaks into a moan as Ashton purposely twists his wrist over the head, and Ashton smirks. “Yeah, moan for me, babe.”

Luke moans an awful lot. It’s definitely freeing to have the privilege of being loud, because boy, is he a moaner. It would be embarrassing, but Ashton seems to like it. His cock is really hard now, flushed red and curving towards his belly button, and slick with precum.

“Fuck,” Luke says, struggling to form the word. It’s all that really comes to mind. Ashton reaches back and squeezes at his balls once or twice, rubbing and fondling, just to really get him going. That’s what Luke calls rude and unfair, and also leaves him gripping at the sheets so hard his knuckles pop. “Oh, fuck. Please. Please.”

And then Ashton retracts his hand entirely.

Luke lifts his head and drops it back down rather forcefully in his frustration. “Ash,” he whines. “Don’t just stop, c’mon.”

“Quit your whining, this is better,” Ashton says, and grabs a bottle of something clear—lube, he assumes—from the bedside table where he set it down. He unscrews the lid and slicks up his fingers while Luke tries not to think about his dick, still kicking out precum at a rather embarrassing rate. He moves to touch it himself, and Ashton slaps his hand away. “Hey. If you come now you’ll have no fun when I’m actually inside you.”

Luke pouts at that. “I don’t like this.” Ashton knows him well enough to understand that he’s still comfortable, just complaining.

“This might hurt a bit in the beginning,” Ashton says. “I have to open you up, alright? I’m going one finger at a time and really slowly. If you need me to stop or take them out, you have to tell me. I’m going up to three, and you’re gonna have to be patient.”

Luke nods and Ashton strikes back his hair with his clean hand. With a soothing smile, he kneels between Luke’s legs and prods at his rim with his middle finger. Luke squirms, unsure of what to expect. His cock strains a bit, probably out of excitement over the thought more than the actual feeling.

Ashton rubs his fingertip in a circle around his hole, and Luke practically jumps six feet in the air with a yelp. “What the fuck are you doing?”

“Chill,” Ashton says. “I’m making sure you’re lubed up, too.”

“Do I need to be?”

Ashton sighs, continuing to work at the sphincter while he talks, as if it’s natural. “If you want it to really be painless, yeah. I mean, you’re a virgin, too, so it’ll hurt less this way. It’s alright. A little extra lube never hurt.”

Ashton slips the tip of his finger inside, stroking Luke’s hipbone with his other hand. Luke finds it a relaxing countermeasure. He almost doesn’t realize when Ashton is knuckle deep. It feels alright; it’s strange, obviously, to have something inside him. Ashton gently pulls his finger out to the tip and pushes back in, working to loosen him up.

“Doing okay?”

“Yeah, is this supposed to be fun, or something?”

Ashton starts slowly on the second finger. “I don’t want you to come, you asshole.” He suppresses a smile. “I can fucking make it fun, you little punk.”

“Do it,” Luke urges with a glint in his eye. He feels ridiculous enough, legs splayed and Ashton with a finger up his ass. It can’t possibly do any harm.

“I’m gonna go two fingers.”

“I don’t like this,” Luke says cheekily. Ashton reaches up and gives his cock a harsh jerk and Luke whimpers, startled.

“Just so you don’t flag,” he says simply. Luke feels the tip of his second finger start to push in. It’s cold and wet, like the first, and he squirms. This time, it burns a bit.

“Slow down,” Luke says. His joking has ceased. His forehead creases, and he bites his lip. Ashton stops completely.

“Are you okay?” Ashton moves his free hand from Luke’s hip to Luke’s hand, wrapping around his fingers to provide some comfort.

“Just.” Luke blinks rapidly. “Yeah. Go slower.”

Ashton complies, pushing the second finger in up to the base of his knuckles and stopping. “Okay. This will be a lot easier for you to take if I actually do make this fun.”

“What does that m—Jesus Christ!” Luke shrieks, squeezing the life out of Ashton’s hand. “What the fuck did you just do?”

“It’s your prostate,” Ashton says, laughing at his reaction. “Fun, right?”

“Yeah,” Luke breathes, looking a bit glazed. “Do that again.”

This time he’s ready for it, and when Ashton crooks his fingers, he turns his head and moans into his shoulder, abashed. Ashton’s still giggling. Luke hardly realizes that Ashton is scissoring his fingers inside, and thank god.

Ashton takes him up one more finger, occasionally nudging his prostate to distract him (it’s one hell of a distraction). Luke has to admit that when he does that, it does feel good. But Ashton soon withdraws his fingers and wipes them on his jeans, lying on the floor.

“Okay, this is it,” he says, kissing Luke quickly. “You’re sure?”

“I didn’t come all this way for nothing,” Luke says. “But you gotta do it slow. And hold my hand.”

Ashton smiles. “I’ll need you to tell me how much you can take. Okay? You gotta stay with me.”

Luke nods. His stomach flutters—nerves. “Okay,” he says. As brave as he’s been through all of this, he’s getting nervous now? Fuck. Ashton doesn’t look up while he rolls on a condom, but when he does, he clearly notes the look on his face.

“You alright, Luke?” Ashton stops. “Don’t be scared. I got you.”

“Will it hurt?”

“Mm, no,” he says, rubbing his hand. “Not if we go slowly.”

“You’ve done this before, right?”

“Mmhm, on both ends. I promise this will feel good, alright? I won’t do anything you don’t want me to.”

“Okay,” Luke says finally, taking a deep breath. “Go.”

Ashton pushes at Luke’s legs, spreading them further apart. The tip of his cock brushes up against Luke’s hole, and he shivers. “Easy,” he says softly, “I’m gonna go in now.”

Luke nods and holds onto his hand tightly. Ashton pushes in a bit, stood, checks if it’s alright. Luke gives him the okay, and he keeps going. It’s strange and a bit of an uncomfortable stretch, but Ashton is patient and kisses him as many times as he can to distract him.

“That’s all of it,” Ashton says, wrapping a hand around Luke’s cock again. “You okay, or you need a minute?”

“A minute,” Luke bites out. Ashton pumps him a few times, probably trying to keep him occupied. “Okay. Alright, you can go.”

The first thrust has Luke biting his lip; the second hits his prostate and he arches up in shock. “Second one, alright,” Ashton cheers. “Fuck, Luke. You feel really good. Doing so well for me.”

Luke flushes with the praise. “Yeah?” he smiles despite himself, faltering and tilting his head back when Ashton hits it again. “Fuck.”

“Can you feel it here?” Ashton’s fingers brush over his lower tummy, and Luke shudders.

“Yeah,” Luke whispers. “Feels—good. Like I’m really full.”

Ashton groans and moves faster. “Fuck. You’re so fucking tight.”

Luke moans, although he tries to keep it down; he’s horribly inexperienced. What if Ashton doesn’t want him to?

“You don’t have to bite your lip,” Ashton says, tapping it. “You can be loud for me.”

Luke purposely lets out a loud, pornographic moan. Ashton slaps his hip. “Haha, very funny,” he says, breathless. Luke’s eyes go wide at the slap. “Hey, you okay?”

“Yeah, fuck,” Luke spits. “Keep going.”

Ashton shrugs and rolls his hips, thrusting back in. “I’m gonna come soon,” he warns Luke. “You close?”

Luke nods. “You can come first.”

Ashton just fucks him a little harder, and then he stiffens up and comes into the condom. Luke’s breath is taken away by the sight of it, his cock aching. After a few moments of breathing hard, Ashton withdraws and pulls off the condom, tying it off and dropping it in Luke’s trash can before coming back to the bed where Luke lies still, whimpering. His cock lies against his stomach, precum pooling where it touches.

“How do you want it?” Ashton asks, kissing Luke’s temple. “Did so well for me baby, I’ll give you whatever. You want me to suck you off?”

“Please,” Luke whispers. Ashton nods with a lazy, fucked out grin, and licks the head of his cock before swallowing him down in one go. Luke makes a strangled noise deep in his throat, grabbing on to Ashton’s curls and fisting it in his hand as he goes down. Ashton’s done it many more times than Luke, and he knows how to flatten his tongue along the underside of his cock and bob his head at the right rhythm. Luke pulls at his hair every time his cock hits the back of his throat, toes curling. “Fuck. Ash. Please, I’m gonna.”

Ashton gives him a cheeky thumbs up, but Luke can’t even laugh because he’s coming down Ashton’s throat. He shakes, his vision blacking for a moment as Ashton swallows around him, already feeling sensitive. He shudders through the aftershocks and Ashton clambers up to lie beside him with a dazed smile.

Luke has gotten off before, but apart from a few casual handjobs (which were great, Ashton was for sure not lying about his wonderful handjobs), he’s never done anything with anyone else. He’s never even had a blowjob before, although Ashton has definitely offered. It’s kind of an out of body experience; his fingers and toes are still tingling, and he feels like he’s run a marathon. His chest still rises and falls heavily.

“That was,” Luke begins, trying to stay coherent. “Wow. It was wow.” After a moment’s thought, he turns over on his side to look at Ashton, a bit of worry creeping in. “Did I do okay?”

Ashton kisses his cheek sweetly. “More than okay. Especially for your first time. Did it hurt?”

“Not much. I knew you would be perfect.”

“Really? I remember a lot of doubt while we were actually doing it.”

“Shut up,” Luke says, giggling and shifting to lay his head on Ashton’s bare chest. They’re both a little sweaty, sticky, but it doesn’t seem so bad. “That was nice. Thank you.”

“Do you feel different? Less virginal?”

“Not really,” Luke admits. “Is it supposed to feel different?”

Ashton shrugs and combs out Luke’s tangled hair. It’s fairly short, so it’s not too hard. “For some people it’s a big deal. I think, for a lot of girls, it’s treated as a big thing. I didn’t feel different after my first time.”

“Tell me about your first time,” Luke says, smiling up at the ceiling.

“It was awful,” Ashton says with a laugh. “He didn’t bother with prep or anything...”

\---

In the end, Ashton stays the night. They both shower and pull on their boxers and climb into bed together, and Luke thinks to himself that his first time was pretty much a success. And he’s very grateful. Ashton falls asleep low under the covers, head pressed against Luke’s stomach where an hour before he had kissed there endlessly.

It’s early the next morning when Luke is woken by someone throwing cold water over his face. He jackknifes upright, gasping at the feeling. Shit.

“Jack!” he says frantically, realizing Ashton is lying right next to him. He pulls the covers up higher to hide the top of his curls. Maybe Jack won’t notice the large lump under the sheets; he’s close enough to Luke that Jack might not think about it. “Get out!”

“I thought I would surprise you. In case you care, Grandma’s great.”

“Wonderful. Get out.”

“Touchy, huh?”

“I’m soaking wet, you dick!” Luke tries to sound angry, but he’s just panicking. The volume of their conversation causes Ashton to stir and rise next to Luke, rubbing his eyes and muttering incoherently.

“Why are you yelling?” Ashton says, and then looks at Jack, both their jaws going slack. Luke is vaguely aware that both of them are still only in their boxers, and Jack probably can’t tell they’re wearing even that from where he stands.

“Hey, Ashton,” Jack says, looking a bit bewildered. “Didn’t expect to see you here.”

“Same, mate,” Ashton mumbles. He looks at Luke nervously. “Uh, I should probably get going.”

He stumbles out of bed, tripping over his own feet with an embarrassed blush spreading through his cheeks. He yanks on his jeans and t-shirt and passes Jack with his head down, leaving Luke alone, wet, and nervous.

“Jack,” he says guiltily, fussing with the sheets. “Um.”

Jack smiles weakly. “Do you want to pretend nothing happened?”

Luke releases the breath he was holding, his face burning as he nods vigorously. “Don’t tell Mum,” he says desperately. “It was nothing, nothing to worry about. He came over last night, just, just to keep me company. Promise.”

It’s so _not_ what happened.

“Sure,” Jack says, nodding, his brow furrowed. He glances at the trashcan by his feet and sighs. Fuck. The condom. “Okay, then. I’m just gonna go get some breakfast.” And then he leaves the room.

Luke is definitely fucked this time.

 

* * *

 

1

Luke spends a lot of time thinking about it. How to approach Jack, if at all he should; he doesn’t bother leaving his room most of the day, afraid to accidentally run into him. He’s sure he’s never going to be able to look Jack in the eye. Jack has walked in on them several times before this, but Luke was always able to hold on to the faint hope that maybe he didn’t see; maybe he could make himself believe he misinterpreted it. But there’s no way Jack doesn’t know by now. Luke is fucked. Well and truly fucked.

He debates his options. Jack did agree not to talk about it. Luke could actually just go about his life, sneaking around with Ashton and praying Jack keeps his mouth shut. But he also thinks about what Ashton said about not thinking Jack would care.

It’s not quite that simple; he’s gone a full 16 years keeping this secret. He did a pretty good job, too, up until he got involved with Ashton. He really doesn’t feel a strong urge to tell anyone now, after all this time.

But wouldn’t it feel nice to be out to someone, at least? And of all people, wouldn’t Jack be the one he would want to tell?

Fuck.

Luke can feel his stomach churning, a reminder that this is a big deal. Apart from Ashton and maybe Calum (although Luke never told him officially), nobody knows. It’s shitty to keep secrets. And it’s not because he didn’t think it’s important, like Ashton; it’s because he was scared.

It sucks to be scared.

And by that token, he’s been acting from a place of fear most of his life. Luke has always struggled to be brave and open to even those closest to him. He is easily embarrassed and extremely self-conscious. Even being naked in front of Ashton, someone he trusts more than anyone else, was difficult.

It takes him nearly an hour to work up to it before he finally crosses the hall to Jack’s room. He knocks a couple of times and practices it in his head like he did in front of the mirror. He can do this. Jack will understand; he will be okay with it. There’s no other way to try to pretend that Jack didn’t see him and Ashton half naked in bed together.

The door opens, and Luke wraps his arms around himself. “Jack,” he says, feeling like his chest is ten times heavier than usual. “Can we, like, talk?”

Jack nods and allows him inside, shutting the door after. Luke sits on Jack’s bed, Jack quick to follow; he remembers just how many times he crawled into this bed because he had nightmares, or there was a storm; he was always closer to Jack than Ben, mainly due to the smaller age gap. “What’s up, kiddo?”

“Um.” Where does Luke start? Should he just blurt it out? “Um, I didn’t know how to tell you this. Or anyone. And I didn’t plan to. But, I mean, I trust you. And you love me. Right?”

Jack actually goes to the trouble of putting a hand on Luke’s thigh. “Of course I love you.”

Luke nods quickly, trying to keep his nerve up. “So, I figured you should be the first to know,” he says, rushing right into it. “I’m gay. Like, really gay. For Ashton. Super gay. Yeah.”

Jack is quiet for a moment, and then he puts an arm around Luke’s shoulders and kisses the top of his head. “Thank you for telling me. I mean, you didn’t really have to. I kind of guessed. But I’m proud of you anyway.”

“Really?” Luke says, exhaling heavily in his relief. “Oh.”

“And I still love you. You know that. Next time, though, you guys should do a better job of getting rid of the condom.”

“Oh my god.” Luke scrunches his face up; it’s burning again. “Fuck.”

Jack laughs, ruffling his hair. “Don’t worry about it. I’m not gonna tell Mum that you guys fucked. Good job, anyway. You scored big.”

“Please stop.”

“Okay, okay. Come on, give me a hug.” Jack opens his arms, and Luke turns toward him and lurches forward into them, wrapping his arms around Jack’s neck. He hasn’t had a hug this tight in a while, but as always, it feels safe and secure.  “It will never matter, what you do or who you become,” Jack says, squeezing him so tight he can’t breathe. “There is nothing in the world I would not do for you.”

“I love you,” Luke breathes, a rare sentiment between them. “Thank you.”

Jack doesn’t respond, just holds him closer, but Luke couldn’t ask for more.

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first time posting something with sexual content lol i'm sorry  
> i just love jack that's really all this is but i'm pretty pleased with it even though i completely forgot about michael (my bad lmao)  
> tell me whatcha thought, love you xx


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